Left-Handed Dentist

Step up. Act.

2012-02-08T02:08:00.001+04:00

Sometimes I wonder..

Is it because we have gotten so used to dreaming..
So accustomed to letting our imagination run wild..
We relish in amusement -once in a blue moon- by unleashing the lasso wrapped around endless unlikely possibilities..

That when the time comes to fulfill our long sought-for dreams...
We flee?!

Instead of sipping from the cup that's lifted up to our lips...
We drop the glass and spiral down an emotional stairwell as it shatters.

Dear fickle dreams.. Stay strong. Speak up.

Decisions! Decisions!

2011-12-28T22:07:00.000+04:00

The future is intimidating.

That is all.

Flashbacks from the past

2011-12-28T21:46:00.003+04:00

The fainted sweet scent of my mother's perfume.

A trunk overflowing with abstract paintings and un-finished stories.

A trampoline and squeaky swing-set in the midst of blinding sunlight.

A heavy backpack with gossip-filled notes jammed in each pocket.

A worn out copy of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", it's cover held in place aggressively by Scotch-tape.

An overused blunt black khol and a dozen friendship bracelets.

Avril Lavigne lyrics scribbled in the margins of text-books.

And -to this very day-
A stubborn anvil,
Anchoring a ship o' dreams,
Steered by Captian "Hope".

Beware the Grim, my dear.

2011-12-13T01:25:00.008+04:00

Lost in thought she treads along the sidewalk.
It's a foggy night, vision obscured by a smoky haze of uncertainty –how ironic, she says to herself-
A wary mystical silence hangs in the atmosphere like Charlotte's web.

Street lights flicker.
Crickets chirp.
Her breathing and pulse are playing quite the duet…a chorus of long deep breaths followed by rapid palpitations resonating in the frosty air.
Chirp. Inhale. Exhale. Lub Dub. Lub Dub.

All is quiet.

But alas! In that mind of hers!
Chaos unravels, a mad-house –if you may-.

"Contradictions" loudly debate their validity. Refusing all forms of negotiation or reasoning.

Each "Possibility" competes vigorously striving to outlive its component.

"Doubt" sulks in the shadows, and being the sly con-artist he's known to be, slips a banana peel accidently on purpose.

"Ambition" trips with a thud. Trying to regain what little dignity he has left, he leans on "Hope" for support. Standing tall, brushing off the dust trying his utmost to appear nonchalant, failing miserably –might I add-. He always was such a clumsy fool with his head in the clouds.

"Fear" echoes tauntingly, you can hear the smirk in his voice, shrewd with a dash of defiance he adds an "im" to every "Possible", tags an "in" to every "Capable"

It's a silent night.
Street lights flicker.
Crickets chirp.

But in that mind...Universes collide.

Every dream as fickle as a "Snitch", just an inch within her grasp.. while she dangles for the life of her on a Nimbus 2000.. gold luster gleaming in her eyes.

And… action!

2011-09-09T06:28:00.003+04:00

The curtains have been lifted..
Our play has been fast-forwarded to a scene that takes place 10 years later with all the characters evolving beautifully from the opinionated intolerant adolescents they once were.

*****
Truth be told:
No stubborn mind can't be persuaded.
Heart-break and pain both indifferent to their victims, being the blind criminals they are; Ain't no mountains high, ain't no valley low that can harbor you from that duet.
*****

As for our adult characters…
Who take compliments and condemnations much lighter than they did at their early teens,
Who embrace the snarky remarks from elders and blow them off as easily as powdered sugar escaping the refuge of a skirt.
Who learned that you can outlive a lost a fight, and sometimes –yes, sarcastic 15 year olds in the audience- can also be convinced by the opponent's theory, imagine that!
Who see beyond the façade of brands and the mirage of money-earned happiness.
Who understand that it takes a long time to build bonds with others, that the "good ones" are worth the hard work, time and sacrifice.
Who can detect the hidden agendas, plastered smiles and care-free pretensions.
Who know when it's necessary to remove themselves from the situation, let nature take its course and…. Wait.
Who are wise enough to confirm their 7-year old sister questioning if she could talk to "Boots" the monkey and "Swiper" the fox just like Dora the Explorer. She'll find out sooner or later that talking animals no more exist than do happy endings.

*****
Oh my have the characters of the play evolved. Very much so indeed.
*****

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players ~Shakespeare

Babysitter in the house!

2011-08-27T03:20:00.007+04:00

I have fallen in love... With a 5 month old nephew.

Whose world has so much left to discover,
Where unknowns outweigh in every situation.

Where socks are fascinating creatures,
And toes are even more of a treasure.

Where a smile is all that's asked from you in life,
And if you throw in a cute quizzical look with asymmetrically arched eyebrows; you are crowned king and worshipped by the entire household.

Oh how I envy your untainted purity,
Oh how I envy the caffiene- free , hatred- free blood that runs through your viens.

I know you're probably staring at me and questioning the whereabouts of this excited high-strung girl talking gibberish smiling from ear to ear,
You're thinking: I wish she'd move aside and stop blocking my view of this mesmerizing fan,, I really wanna see what'll happen when it stops twirling.

Oh dear nephew, I'd endure a handful of splinters rather than to tell you the depressing news: nothing will happen when the fan stops twirling. No fireworks. No raindrops. Nothing.

It happens.

2011-08-02T02:34:00.001+04:00

You were right.
I was wrong.

Life can still go on, ya know!

Don't judge a book by its cover

2011-07-26T17:43:00.007+04:00

But really..
Since when have we not?

We get a glimpse of the multiple piercings in various locations and immediately think: Oh my.. this person's trouble.

We see an asymmterical, severely cut hairdo and we assume: Oh you're that type of girl

A loud trashy rap song bursts in the air as the phone rings and our eyes dart to the owner as she answers her call.. tsk tsk.

A girl sitting in the waiting room reading a novel. You make your mind about her as soon as you read the title.

Don't judge a book by its cover -we so often preach-

But really,
Really,
Since when have we not?

All over the place

2011-07-12T21:25:00.002+04:00

Unspoken thoughts hang in the frozen air.
Notions understood yet kept silent.

Your roguish hazel eyes have left me bedazzled with their charm.
They say so little however with an immense impact.
Like paws of a kitten on a newly cemented road.
Silently you stride along the sidewalks oblivious of the impression you bestow upon me. Unaware of my mesmerized reactions.

Your acquaintance has left me smitten. Feeble. Naive.
And although no prospect awaitens.. my heart still dwells on the endless possibilities.

Just endless.

Blow the candles out..looks like a solo tonight.. I'm beginning to see the light.
Blow the candles out.. looks like a solo tonight.. But I think I'll be alright.
~Hey Monday

If I wish really.. really hard.. Will it come true?

2011-07-02T02:06:00.003+04:00

You make it look so easy...
So natural..
Inherent.

But it's not...
I've tried over and over..failing miserably every time.

I've been told "Practice makes perfect" and found that it's not always applicable. Nope.. Not always.

Like how French braiding seems effortless yet leaves me in a tassel of hair knots.
Or how playing the piano is merely a flow of fingers across the keys... Yet I can barely pull off a tune.
How simple it is to balance yourself on a skateboard..
Fix a computer glitch.. Heal a broken heart..
How everyone laughs at your punch line.. Is in awe of your impeccable taste.. Your undying devotion to life.

It's not easy what you do..
Though it may seem a second nature to you... You should know that you are special.. So very very special.

I wonder...
if I close my eyes and wish really really hard..
Could I do it too?

Memories twirling round and round.

2011-05-19T22:48:00.008+04:00

Astounding how our subconscious holds on to certain memories; however irrelevant they may be.

Trivial compliments -3 years of age- still have the power to give your ego a boost when you're feeling blue.
Meaningless childhood nicknames can still trigger a grimace.

Nameless faces swirling aimlessly in the back of your mind. What was her name?!
Faceless names hanging by a thread, you yearn to remember their features.

****
A trip with your dad to Dairy Queen on a lazy Saturday afternoon..
Standing on the tip of your toes barely tall enough to see through the glass to choose an ice-cream flavor..
Baba kneels down and perches you on his knee, raising your eye level a few inches..
Even though he knew before-hand you would pick chocolate with sprinkles on top.

****
The smell of formalin while dissecting a cadaver with your friends -1st year dental students- reviewing for the anatomy final exam.
You are all lost in the confusing contents of the posterior triangle in the neck region.
"Are you sure this is the phrenic nerve, Hanan? I think it's the vagus." My friend questions doubtfully.
I tug the nerve and watch the diaphragm rise with my pull.
"It's the phrenic nerve. I'm sure."

****
If I could only mimic Dumbledore when he'd point a wand to his skull, drag out his thoughts and pour them into a stone basin.
Oh if only I had a Pensieve to re-visit my memories on a lonely night.

Dumbledore: "I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form."
Harry: "You mean... that stuff's your thoughts?"
Dumbledore: "Certainly."
-J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

No more network at this end of the line

2011-05-06T21:57:00.007+04:00

Just when I'm determined to start over..
When I persuade myself "this one is going to be worth the trouble, worth my time, worth my feelings"

Just when I finally decide that isolation isn't going to fix anything.. sooner or later I've got to let people in..

Just when I've -at long last- convinced my stubborn mind that humanity still throbs in many human hearts..

And I let my guard down..
Share my history..
Share my life..

I'm vulnerable once more to getting hurt by all those vicious antigens; hypocrites, frauds, two-faced back stabbing liars..

And boy did those antigens attack my immunity as hard as hell!
My host defense mechanism has aged far beyond my 22 years,, it fights a lost battle and can only hold its strength for so long..

But not this time..
No..
Not me..

This time.. I've loaded up on my vaccinations..
This time.. my antibody titre is sky-rocket high..

No more will I fall for your sly tricks.
No more will your pranks deceive me.

Even if it means I'll be destined to loneliness.. I WILL NOT be stung twice.

With arms wide open.. welcome

2011-04-19T23:32:00.005+04:00

I love that when I least expect it;

Hope and comfort bombard me,

Demolishing all doubt.

Devouring all skepticism.

Kindling candles of friendship in what used to be a dark locked up dungeon.

Ah.. Discovering a kindred spirit brings me utmost amount of joy!

But I thought you didn't..? Oh you do?! Guess I thought wrong

2011-04-15T23:28:00.007+04:00

Aren't we all a medley of contradictions!
Each rule has an exception..
Each exception is silently agreed upon to remain silent till the end of time..

We fight for our values.. sword, tongue and pen.
We wear them as halos high above our heads in times of power,
And we grasp onto them with all our might when we're afraid of drowning in the sea of doubtful new fads.

We lose friends over our values, we shed tears.
Oh the enemies we gained fighting for what we believe in!
You confounded, sly, stubborn values.

And yet! When a certain someone comes along our path in life,
Blows you away with their charm.. you're caught off gaurd by their never-before-seen personality.
Not to mention a smile that turns your knees to jelly.
Then -and only then- do your values seem ridiculously extreme, old school and juvenile!
Slowly they creep out of the windows in your soul, silently so you don't sense their absence.

Sly, stubborn values.. how bias you are!

Diagnose carefully, I beg of you.

2011-03-22T02:32:00.005+04:00

"I can feel your pain"
But can you really?
I highly doubt it.

You only see the surface texture.. the enamel of my personality.
Once innocently translucent,, inevitably growing more opaque day by day.

Have you any idea of the underlying dentin?
The abundant amounts of reparative dentin formed to prevent the cascade of harmful stimulants from reaching the pulp.

And what of the poor isolated pulp?
A traumatic experience could render it reversibly damaged, or -God forbid- irreversibly paralyzed.

You can veneer me all you want, but the dentin is still inside hard-headed and stubborn as ever.
You may bleach attempting to get rid of those discolored spots, and you'll find that as much as you overload hydrogen peroxide externally, internal bleaching rarely succeeds with me.
You can bandage the wounds with a thick layer of Calcium hydroxide, but the pulp still silently cries in agony.

The core of my being doesn't enclose a solitary layer... there are many.

Have you ever thought to dig deeper?
To treat the cause not only the symptoms?
Oh how I wish you would!

It's a small world after all

2011-03-21T01:27:00.010+04:00

It's too early, and too cold..
Layla turns off the alarm clock and angrily kicks the broken heater..
Hurriedly she performs the fastest ablution possible under the freezing water, trying not to forget any steps.
Praying fajr in Syria in the middle of January was torture..
"Allah Akbar"
oops I forgot to wash my elbows.. damn it.
On her way to the sink she remembers that the mysterious Saudi guest her parents had been talking about for over a week is coming today.
"I wonder what they're up to?" she thinks drenching her elbows vigorously.
.......
A few kilometers away in Tabouk..
Coming home from college, sitting to a plate of traditional jareesh, Asma amuses at the gossip her aunt melodramatically discusses with her friend on the phone..
"He got married!"
"AGAIN!"
tsk tsk...
She stiffles a giggle, not wanting to believe that "mediocre minds talk about events" while "shallow minds talk about people"
Her mind was only perplexed by her ophthalmology exam next Wednesday,
"I better download the e-book from that Indian forum"
.......
Waking up from her afternoon nap, Fatma headed to the living room to watch news with her father, being an Iraqi and watching news was as depressing as it gets.. how about we listen to Fayrooz ya baba?
They both gaze at the screen with glassy eyes..
"Ya 6air.. ya 6iyr 3ala a6raf aldenya.."
Why didn't she leave to the states with her cousin when she had the chance!
.......
In Idaho..sitting in the bus on the way to her second job at a local deli, Mariam puts the bookmark in her book "The Collected Poetry of Paul Laurence Dunbar " and glances back at the lady in front of her..
Yes I am wearing a scarf.
Yes I am a Muslim woman from an Arab country.
But I am not a terrorist.
I did not kill your husband in Iraq.
After what she hoped was a semi-comprehendible eye-communication, she goes back to the poem;
"I know what the caged bird feels, alas!"
.......
Studying for her ophthalmology final exam in the sweltering heat of Mumbai, India..
Why do the neighbors' kids have to be this loud and obnoxious, why?
And seriously, could the internet be any slower?
Laila promised that she'd upload the e-book in the forum by tonight..
"I'm going to disconnect the WiFi modem and bring it to my room, ok?" she yells
"NO" says her 15 year old sister, "I'm downloading Aishwarya Rai's new movie"
"WHAT?! NO WONDER THE INTERNET HAS BEEN THIS SLOW, I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T TURN IT OFF THIS SECOND..."
Only her brother -Rasheed- would empathize with her in these situations, but he left to be a driver in Mecca, his college degree gone to waste.
.......
A few blocks from the holy mosque in Mecca, Reem hears maghrib prayer ring in the air..
Opening the window she wheels her grandfather's chair near it so they can both drink in the atmosphere..
"Do you want a piece of labanya ya jaddo? Rasheed bought them from "Soog Al-Hijaz"
A black and white pigeon eyes them from a rooftop hungrily.
.......
Walking through the markets in Casablanca, Morocco on a busy afternoon.
Where French and Arabic languages mingle divinely..
"Ya 3ammo.. give me a kilo of squash, ooh and a few of those eggplants too!"
Couscous for dinner tonight!
While her vegetables are being weighed, Noor hears the news on the radio.

People dying all over the world.
From Japan to Sudan.

Muslims all over the world suffering.
From Iraq to Yemen.

Lifting her head up to the sky she sends a silent prayer:
"Ya Allah only you can fix all broken. Only you can right all wrong. Ya Allah grant health to every sick man, grant patience to every widowed woman and grant forgiveness for every soul lost"

.......

Et tu Brute?

2011-03-14T20:01:00.004+04:00

Amazing how we can say so much without the slight movement of our lips..

How simple acts can convey extraordinary messages..

I once read that "no communication is in itself a form of communication", that the "cold shoulder" of our childhood years can actually produce great change in character of others..

Bizarre how our subconscious can make us do un-explainable things, how the voice in our minds can be louder than the commotion of a lecture hall, how you can be surrounded by friends yet still be lonely..

Uncanny how when push comes to shove you discover what's really important, who's really important, who's not..
How when in crisis you unravel kindred spirits you had previously assumed to be commonplace, a look of understanding passes between you; et tu Brute?
Et tu?

It's time to be grateful; for family, for friendship, for health.
It's time to cherish what you have, it could vanish in a second.

Because whether you fall asleep with a smile on your face or tears streaming on your pillow, the sun will rise tomorrow.

So lay your head with a smile.

Goodnight.

Bitter sweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong

2011-03-02T19:54:00.003+04:00

I'd rather endure regretting not saying something.. than the painful remorse of the spoken words doomed to float in memories forever.

Hawley Labial Bow

2011-03-01T00:57:00.005+04:00

Firm grip on the 139 pliers, careful not to pinch yourself.
*****
He was determined to win the race.. to impress and to defeat..he wanted more than anything to prove them all wrong.. he'll show them.
Ironic how neglect can actually give birth to ambition.
*****
Curve the wire slightly so it adapts to the labial surfaces of the maxillary incisors, not too tight though.
*****
The look in her eyes was taunting, her lips never spoke ill of her condition but I could see them quaver as the doctor announced that it was time for her chemo. session.
An unwelcome guest in a beautiful home.
*****
Turn the wire gingivally as you approach the canine, but don't extend it too far from the gingival margin then turn it occlusally making a small U-turn.
*****
She was fuming with anger, everytime this topic comes up in a conversation she tries her utmost to get it through their thick skulls: It doesn't matter which region you come from in Saudi Arabia, your self-worth is the same, your value doesn't change regardless your genetic composition.
Sighing with disgust at how obscene people can be, she leaves the room.
*****
Bend the wire over the embrasure between the canine and the premolar, be judicious so it doesn't interfere with the occlusal plane.
*****
An hour of moderate rain can catastrophically damage one of the country's largest cities, lives were lost and memories were scarred.
A five year old had always lived to believe rain was a precursor of blossoming flowers, now rain has become the murderer of her best-friend's father.
*****
It's time for the tricky C-Clasp, take heed to start at the mesial line angle of the molar.
*****
The bellowing music fills the room, Filipino maids carry ridiculously heavy trays with strained smiles, brightly sequined dresses flashing on the dance floor.
The scent of jasmine flowers in this Southern Saudi wedding is intoxicating.
*****
After the wire has been adapted on the buccal surface of the molar, gently turn it over the embrasure, again it should be away from the patient's occlusion.
*****
Sitting in a conference room her mobile shines with a message from her son, he just sent her a picture of his new I.D., she smiles for behind that pseudo-mature gaze of an 18 year old,she sees the little boy wearing a thobe and shimagh frollicking with his sisters on the night of Halloween in Minneapolis,MN.
"Trick or Treat!"
*****
Adust the clasp on the hard palate then add the acrylic.
*****
Searching frantically for his grandfather's medication in the drawer, sensing a box-like object he pulls out a tape for Fayrooz from the 80's, taking a glance at his grandpa's religious beard he silently returns the tape to the back of the drawer.
"I couldn't find anything"
"It's in the fourth drawer, you'll find it, the fourth drawer not the fifth"
He brings the medications after making sure the fifth drawer shows no evidence of being tampered with.
*****
Now the retainer is ready to be delivered to its rightful owner...
At least when there are more uncertainties than absolutes in this world, you can be 100% sure of one thing: As long as your patient wears her retainer her teeth won't go back to their protruded position.
One less thing to worry about.

Memories to last a life-time

2010-11-22T19:17:00.003+04:00

When I eat a chocolate chip muffin... I remember you.
When I skip while walking down the hall... I remember you.
When I light a scented candle... I remember you.
When I listen to Beyonce... I remember you.

Letting go is hard.. accepting change is harder.
Knowing that from this day on.. nothing will ever be the same..
The comradeship -though deeply cherished- will now have a different meaning.

And yet..
When I watch "The Day after Tomorrow"... I remember you.
When I ride my bike, the wind tickling my scarf... I remember you.
When my eyes tear up from sucking a sour Warheads candy... I remember you.

I found a way to let you in... but I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo.. I got my angel now
~Beyonce

For Good Cause?

2010-10-23T01:28:00.003+04:00

I pity the plastic skull on my bookshelf..

It has witnessed many forms of physical abuse under my hands...

Poking wires through the foramens to observe the different paths of the nerves as they exit the cranial vault and pass through the superior orbital fissure and infra-temporal fossa...

Moving the mandible too many times left and right..right and left.. so I can comprehend the difference between Bennet's Angle and his movement.. thank God it doesn't have an articular disc or it would have been completely degenerated by now...

Injecting local anesthesia into the maxilla and mandible from every possible angle.. if there had been real muscles I'd be dealing with bilateral paralysis in both arches...

And the last straw.. practicing extraction.. as if the poor thing hasn't suffered enough.. now I'm hauling out all its teeth...

Ah.. the adventures of a dental student!

Humanity? What's that?

2010-09-24T07:28:00.004+04:00

I hate when tradition conflicts with common sense and religion.
When we have to live our lives according to standards set by ancestors who breathed air unpolluted by automobiles, who survived without the kinship of television or the internet

I hate when the thin line separating truth from fraud becomes blurry, so that even with my prescription glasses it's hard to tell which is which

I hate that by growing up it gets easier to discover the gruesome faces behind the gorgeous masks

I hate that when someone smiles at you, you immediately think: "Oh great, I wonder what she wants from me this time", instead of the smile being a mere symbol of kindness

I miss sincerity.
I miss kindred souls.

It just can't get better than this...

2010-08-01T00:53:00.004+04:00

The moment that takes your breath away...
Untainted, innocent and pure.

When you're studying for a mid-term and your 6 year old sister kisses you on the cheek -out of the blue- then heads off to grab her Strawberry Shortcake coloring book from the bookshelf.

When your eyes fill with tears as you listen to your Christian Filipino maid announce her Shahada for the first time in the local mosque.

When you gaze from the balcony and see your teenage brother place a bowl of water on the staircase for the chirping pigeons on the patio, in the heat of the never-ending Jeddah summer.

When you're chatting with your best friend reminiscing the good old "high-school" days, the atmosphere in the room filled with warmth defying the bellowing winds of Riyadh's winter outside.

When you pray with devotion to Allah on the night of your General Medicine final exam that you'll do great the next day, the calmness that envelopes you knowing that only He can hear your supplications, however versatile they may be.

When you're awake at that un-earthly hour of dawn, it seems as if the whole city is asleep and all your dreams are achievable, all impossibles are possible.

When you quench your thirst with the cool water of Zamzam after performing Ummrah under the stubborn sunrays at noon.

When you catch the spark of pride in your parents' eyes, no words are even necessary.

These moments I live for.
These moments I cherish.

Perfect..yeah right.

2010-06-29T23:42:00.003+04:00

You know that age when you're 12 and you look at college girls and think
"Wow, they know everything"
"They can do everything perfectly"
"Nobody tells them to "Grow up and stop acting like a baby"

Well guess what?

We don't know that much..
And doing something flawlessly is only if it involves a box of ready-made Betty Crocker Brownies..

I gaze at my 12 year old cousin and think
"She can do all the mistakes she wants"
"Nobody tells her that "You should know better, you're a grown-up"

Tis a pity.. tis true..

2010-06-06T22:48:00.003+04:00

So many wars with unknown heroes...
So many sacrifices forgotten...

A dozen researchers make a revolutionary discovery yet are hidden in the phrase "et. al"

Months of work done behind the curtains... yet only the actors get the applaud..

A 5- hour surgery ends with success yet only the chief doctor is thanked.. forgetting the crew of nurses in the same OR...

Recognition can make a WORLD of a difference!

What could've happened?

2010-05-28T23:08:00.002+04:00

I'm always prevented from flying by fear that gravity will bring me down..

Have you ever thought of all the possible "What if's" in your life?
I have.. alot..

What if I had said what was on my mind instead of holding my temper.. and replacing my snarl with a frosty smile?
Perhaps lost a friend..

What if I had pressed "post" on that harsh comment in my facebook status.. instead of pressing delete?
Most likely gained an enemy..

What if didn't "edit" that email and substitute my unsympathetic words with politer synonyms?

What if I spoke up when I had the chance?

What if I ignored my common sense and followed my heart?

What if I had said "Yes"?

A night of many nights..

2010-04-25T01:04:00.004+04:00

Snug and comfy in my Penn State sweatshirt...

From my balcony I am watching the world go by... a mother walking home from the supermarket.. a bored teenager kicks a Pepsi can on his way to the Cafe...

The night air smells like the sea.. memories float.. palm trees whisper.. a mischievous giggle can be heard if you listen carefully...

A sudden change in the atmosphere...

I realize that I am now witnessing time rewind...

The world is walking backwards.. and I'm peeking through a mouse hole...

Could that handsome gentleman racing his peers without a care in the world.. be our cranky old neighbor.. who pokes the young boys with his cane heading to Asar prayer?

Could those two youthful girls playing marbles in their floral jalabiyah's with colors defying all laws of fashion.. possibly be the old maids living in the huge villa at the the corner of the street.. mentally noting every neighborhood activity to gossip about it later on over their routine cup of tea...

Could that bashful lady carrying a tray of Arabic coffee across the yard with her long braid swinging down her back.. perhaps be my grandmother?
If I could only see her dimples..!

And like the curiosity that killed the cat..

I am back in year 2010.. with all my never-ending worldly issues..
From Iceland's volcano to my Oral Biology exam Wednesday morning...

*******
Isha prayer rings in the sky...
Young boys beware of a poke in the gut by Amo Ahmad's walking cane..

Ah! How he used to run!

Starbucks, Tim Horton's and House of Doughnuts

2010-04-04T13:26:00.002+04:00

A cappucino on my way to the clinics.. need all the energy for the huge amount of calculus I'm removing...

A hot chocolate mellows me down after my prosthodontist professor completely humiliated me in front of my patient...

A cup of tea as I sit in the fifth row in the classroom while the professor rants about the criteria of teeth selection in a complete denture...
"Remember girls.. three very important factors: Hue, Chroma, and Value.. these help us choose the exact color of the teeth"

Sigh.. I've reached the milky way, heading off to Mars...
I hope the glazed doughnuts haven't finished by the end of the lecture...

Solitary

2010-04-02T20:59:00.002+04:00

What if the heart can't stop loving?

What if it tried hatred, indifference, and numbness but nothing works?

What if love is the only hat that fits..
the only medicine that cures..
the only key that opens?

What if love has becomed a curse you're doomed to endure a lifetime?

Thank you...

2010-02-18T23:30:00.002+04:00

To the lady that bumped into me as I was carrying two cups of Starbucks double mocha macchiato on my way to chat with my mother on the marble courts surrounding the Holy Mosque of Madinah…

Thank you for drenching my niqab in chocolate and filling my limited air space during sujood with that wonderful aroma...

That was before..

2010-02-02T22:47:00.001+04:00

A few years ago I used to confuse between "lingual" and "palatal" until I finally realized they were synonyms...

A few years ago I would mix up between "oligo-" and "poly-".. the world of medical prefixes and suffixes was a mystery to me…

A few years ago studying the muscles of facial expression would bring me to tears.. was it "orbicularis oris" that was around the orbit and "orbicularis oculi" that surrounded the mouth.. or vice versa?

A few years ago the medical dictionary was my best friend.. "sialolith", "gastrectomy" and "rhinorrhea" were looked up several times.. till the pages became worn out…

A few years ago I would quaver when dissecting a rat as I put the spleen aside to observe the pancreas…

A few years ago I would hold back the nausea as I removed the skull cap from the cadaver to examine the dural venous sinuses…

A few years ago I would stare at a radiograph of the skull and know nothing about it except that it wasn't an image of the femur…

That was then…

Now I know…
Now I can…

Irresistible

2010-01-30T00:40:00.006+04:00

It's a full-moon night...
I noticed as I filled the kettle to make myself some arabic coffee...
The moon looks so desirably alluring from my kitchen window...
The warm breeze gently tickles the flirtatious curtains...
The cardamom fills the air with its soothing scent...
The saffron magically turns my plain fingers into gold...
My "Benign Tumors" lecture lays untouched on the counter...
"Hemartoma" or a moon lit walk??
Too late...
I grab a date to munch on as I head to the yard...

Graffiti

2010-01-21T10:38:00.009+04:00

A father drops his son off at school..
As soon as he turns the corner.. innocent "Ahmad" changes his profile in a hurry...
He takes off his shimagh and stuffs it in his backback.. squirts some hair gel and quickly readjusts his hairdo into a trendy mohak...
He takes his i-Pod from the pocket of his thobe, checks his reflection while putting the latest "Boys like Girls" song and hums along aimlessly...
He smiles in remembrance as he sees the graffiti on the walls of his school..
"A work of art" Ahmad says to himself "Who knew I had it in me"

Red means stop, take a minute and imagine

2010-01-07T01:32:00.018+04:00

The cranky red light shined with anger.. it was too early to enjoy life...
Especially with 5o cars honking at you per hour.. including our minivan..
I took a sip of my latte and observed the surroundings while Taylor Swift sang "Love Story" through my headphones..
"You were Romeo you were throwing pebbles.. and my daddy said stay away from Juliet "
*****
A Palestinian mother stood with her young daughter waiting for the school bus..
Her red blood- shot eyes indicated a serious case of insomnia...
How could she possibly have a good night's sleep without thinking of her husband lost somewhere at the borders of Palestine in unknown condition..
If it wasn't for her routine cup of turkish coffee.. her sanity would've died long ago...
*****
Across the street a Pakistani driver washes his owner's red car...
Stealing time in between wipes to gaze at the bus stop...
The little girl was a picture of innocence with her bouncy ponytail and Hello Kitty lunchbox..
He remembers his own imaginary family in his mind...
*****
Next to me my cousin lays her head on the window dozing off to sleep...
The driver taps his fingers on the wheel in annoyance...

Wake-up call

2010-01-01T10:38:00.011+04:00

You walk through life blinded by your own worries and sorrows that you become oblivious of the world around you...

You forget that other people suffer BIGGER things, real thorns scar their skin while you suffer the agony of a frosty stare from your loved one..

Some see their beloved slowly die in front of them while they are unable to help except for a wistful smile… while you watch "Grey's Anatomy" and sigh wondering if you'll ever find your real life "McDreamy"…

I'm NOT claiming who bears more pain…but sometimes when you broaden your horizon and remember that there IS pain somewhere else in the world.. it eases your sorrow.. at least for me it has…

Pain is a universal language… no translation is ever needed..

Lock the door on your way out...

2009-12-22T20:19:00.001+04:00

Our hearts are like houses..

Each room has a secret..

Each room is locked..

It's safe when you're the only one that has the keys...

But when someone else has a spare...

You could get robbed any second...

Among the clouds

2009-12-18T19:46:00.002+04:00

My youngest siblings are new to the world of traveling abroad..
They went into a fit of hysterics when they saw my dad in a casual array of jeans and a t-shirt instead of his usual white thobe..

A group of cousin are playing tag in the isles of the plane.. one of them has strep throat and is prevented from playing along by his mother.. he glances at them with wistful eyes..

I am in the middle of studying a "calculus" lecture when it dawned on me..
I may be the first to ever study periodontics in the sky!

Phone-calls

2009-11-10T22:47:00.002+04:00

My mother calls to hear my daily report, the more I complain; the more she consoles me with her prayers

My cousin calls to tell me that she's found the perfect store that sells dresses exact replicas of Fendi and Versace, and honestly who can tell the difference?

My little sister calls announcing that she got 10/10 mark in spelling and resolved to become a "tooth doctor" like me

My brother calls bubbling with excitement as he describes his newest pranks at school, with both teacher and taught

My best friend calls with the latest gossip and scandals of far-fetched friends and foes

My sister calls whining about her stupidity that made her enroll in medical college and who cared if a nephron was the functional unit of the kidney and why is "rhino-" a prefix of "nose"?

My grandma knocks on the door of my room with a tray of kit-kat bars and Arabic coffee just as I turn off my cell-phone
She exclaims that I kill myself studying and why not close that huge textbook and have a cup of coffee as we chat together

If she only knew

NO MORE ROBOTS, PLEASE!!!

2009-11-06T10:48:00.001+04:00

Why do we always favor childhood friends over new?
Is it because they remind us of our "old selves"?
When we were true in our actions and speeches..
When we joked without fearing our jokes would be misunderstood..
When we fought at lunch and made up later in the playground…
When we shared lollipops, idols and moods…
But nowadays we meet our so called friends after we've been painted with a layer of fakeness…
After we learned the art of saying something while meaning something entirely different…
After we became hygiene freaks carrying hand sanitizers in our handbags…
After we turned into picky self-centered snobs…
Give me an old friend anytime and I'll give you all these robots in return!

Thanks to all patients at KAU hospital

2009-11-03T13:15:00.001+04:00

Patients under the hands of dental students are martyrs. None further said.

Bad Combination

2009-10-28T09:47:00.000+04:00

Niqab + Above knee-length labcoat + skin tight jeans

Unknown health care provider.. I have one question:
What message are you trying to send?

Walking down the hallway

2009-10-26T13:11:00.005+04:00

Everyone's talking..
Each girl bubbles with energy..
It's amusing how versatile their topics are...

Leena is describing her "Henna Day" with much exaggeration.. her outfit was simply to die for, fifty guests replicated into a hundred, a local singer became Nancy Ajram...

Noor is ranting about her pessimistic mood toward this year, and the sudden responsibilty of having to deal with patients, not corpses, phantoms, or dummyheads but actual LIVING human beings...

Reem is complaining about the few extra pounds she gained since the honeymoon, although her husband has no objecion, and how is she supposed to feel about that?

I am searching frantically for the keys of my locker, stifling a giggle, glad that the uneven edges of my scarf hide my facial expressions...

As my grandma always says:
كل بهمه سرى... و أنا بهمي سريت
Each person carries his own troubles as I will carry mine

**fictional characters,, fictional conversations**

Updating my C.V.

2009-10-19T19:55:00.004+04:00

Me: I resigned from my previous job and now I work full-time at Dentistry.

An average person: What was your last job?

Me: Life

Behind the wheel

2009-10-17T12:39:00.002+04:00

Frustration clouded my mind...
Anger blinded my eyes...
What started as a polite "Please turn left" has now become "I told you to take that freakin' u-turn you idiot"
I know I can't blame the driver for not seeing the map in my head.. and for not understanding a language other than his native tongue..
But seriously what's a Saudi girl gotta do to get to a bookstore to buy the text book for her "Fixed Prosthodontics" class?
A fifteen minute drive has turned into an hour..
I have zoomed all Jeddah's streets except for the right one...
I have transformed from a polite well-mannered lady into a monstrous diva!

A change of scenery

2009-10-15T14:08:00.001+04:00

First of all: roofs in Saudi houses do NOT mean slanted tiled structures on the exterior upper part of the house.. they are merely a third floor; walled but with no ceiling

Dancing on the roof top while listening to Demi Lovato..
I discovered a world I have now become to love…
So many lonely souls seek this place as a hideout.. knowing that no one will climb three flights of stairs to check on their well-being…
The teenage boy across the street leans on the wall as he inhales his cigarette deeply…
A little girl next door paints in peace on the walls with her crayons…
I sing "Solo" at the top of my lungs with the pigeons as my only audience
"I fell through the hole… down in the bottom of your soul"

My, How times flies!

2009-10-04T01:56:00.005+04:00

She flipped through the pictures of her childhood days, each photo capturing a memory in a way her mind couldn't…

She admires her courage at the age of two trying to balance herself while taking uneven steps determined to show her parents that she can walk but as soon as they turn their heads she leans on the wall for support…

She laughs at her 4 year old face smothered in chocolate with a large bowl of what used to be a chocolate sunday on the table in front of her…

She smiles with pride as she sees her 7 year old self holding a batch of cookies with a smile revealing teeth of various sizes and eyes filled with mirth…

She stifles a giggle at her poised look at the age of thirteen wearing purple eye shadow and maroon high heels -both stolen from her mother-, her strained smile showing the pain in her ankles…

Sighing with forgetfulness at a picture taken by herself, a sixteen year old teen with a sullen look in her heavily kohl rimmed eyes holding back her bangs with long black polished nails resolving to appear nonchalant but deep inside actually caring what the world thought about her…

She gazes at herself at twenty-two posing for a group picture with her college friends her face glowing in her spotless white labcoat showing pride similar to that of her batch of cookies at seven…

She lifts her head and stares at her reflection.. tears silently streaming down her cheeks in a black river of mascara… the tip of her nose slightly pink…

Her moms enters the rooms and sees her daughter through a kaleidoscope only mothers possess..

Without even glancing at the photo album she looks at her daughter and sees more than just a bride.. she sees the four year old with sticky chocolate covered hands.. she sees the seven year old in patched up jeans.. she sees the thirteen old in her temperamental moods.. she sees the burning fire of the rebellious sixteen year old and the twenty-two year old with miles of ambition.. and finally she sees the twenty-five year old bride in her flowing white gown with her silky black hair framing her delicate features… she caresses her daughter's face blessing her brow with a kiss and without a word dries the black mascara…

No matter how long we invite Change into our lives ..it keeps postponing the visit..

And when Change finally comes knocking at your door you hesitate to answer, and a sudden realization overcomes you that you don't really want to meet this alluring visitor and you'd rather stay snug in your armchair with a steaming cup of hot chocolate reading your worn out novel…

We always invite Change into our lives but secretly we don't want the invitation fulfilled… fear is stronger than tolerance…

Just Another Day

2009-09-27T00:35:00.004+04:00

The leaves of an autumn afternoon danced in the wind playfully nudging my plaid scarf as I hurried to get to my prosthodontics lecture before the professor...

The waves of the Red Sea crawled mischievously tickling my toes as I gazed at the horizon while maghrab prayer rung in the air...

The "snap" I loved to hear as I remove my gloves after finishing a successful filling in a tooth of a slightly numb patient...

The dull humming of the fan in my room as I study for finals in the sweltering heat of Jeddah with a cup of iced tea as my only solace...

The many colors on the canvas I loved to mix while painting at midnight in the balcony...

The excitement and adrenaline rush in my blood as I flipped through the pages of my latest Jodi Picoult novel snug in my sofa at 3:00 AM ...

Ironically I remember a song of Sarah McLachlan: It's not that unusual when everything is beautiful....It's just another ordinary miracle today

A sight to behold

2009-09-17T04:29:00.002+04:00

Praying at the Holy Mosque in Madinah

The multicultural people.. the colorful scarves.. the unity of the Muslims was breathtaking..

As I was praying..
A Syrian mother on my left with her two year old boy hugging her legs.. I marveled at her patience..
A Somali grandmother on my right praying with such dedication in her wheelchair.. her devotion brought tears to my eyes..

When I rose from prostration the harmony of my Muslim sisters was the most beautiful sight I had ever witnessed..
It's so amazing that Islam can bring all these people from their countries during this blessed month to pray in the Haram ..
Who knows what they had to sacrifice to make their journey possible..
I pray that they all fulfilled what they were coming for and that they all obtained their heart's desires

My Path of Tears

2009-09-10T18:02:00.007+04:00

It amuses me how when mother nature cries her tears leave a path of flowers behind them..
yet my tears leave nothing but parched, scorched, dried up valleys!

Gone with the wind

2009-08-17T01:12:00.005+04:00

Tears swell in her luminous black eyes…

Beads of sweat glisten on her brow…

Her worn out sandals sink slowly in the golden desert sand…

The black silky abayah is blown away revealing her red jalabiah underneath…

Her niqab is now a black crow flying with the wind as she lifts her hand trying to catch it to shield her face from the burning sunrays.. she is distracted by a large noisy bird unlike any other she's ever seen…

***************

Sitting in the helicopter she waves her freshly manicured nails to move her bangs from her eyes…

Sighing she exclaims that her legs have become numb from sitting too long with the air conditioner on..

She looks down through her window scaling the golden carpets of sand and the ruffled sand dunes for any evidence of human life…

A glimpse of "red" catches her eye but as soon as she blinks it disappears.. giving up she puts her Prada handbag beneath her feet to change their position and adjusts the earphones of her i-pod as she shuffles through the songs.. doing so, she misses the abnormal black UFO that soundlessly bumps into her window..

In that fraction of a second a life could've been saved.. now all that's left is a niqab that's gone with the wind

Out of the Blue...

2009-07-25T23:28:00.003+04:00

5:00 p.m. ; sipping a cup of tea with my grandmother as she unravels the tales of her past, I -however- am oblivious of her story and lost in the laughter lines at the corners of her eyes and the dimples that flash suddenly as she speaks.. I wonder how this same face looked like a couple of decades ago.. I wish I could press rewind...

3:00 a.m. ; my cousin and I are standing in the balcony drinking in the uncommon quietness of the atmosphere, each of us lost in her own thoughts.. the plam trees sway magically whispering amoung themselves.. a stray cat searches for his lover..

Once upon a time..

2009-07-11T15:10:00.002+04:00

One minute you're a princess.. the next you're not..

Imagination can take you away to so many places but there comes a time when you have to face reality...

The crown in your dream falls with a thud..
The flowing gown is torn into rags..
The glamour vanishes..

And all you're left with is a bucket, a mop and dirty kitchen floors

Small and insignificant

2009-07-06T20:50:00.005+04:00

It was a full moon night….
I was staring out my window and the soft winds tickled playfully at my earring hoops..
It dawned on me how many people around the world were also staring at this same moon..
Anybody.. anywhere.. at this same moment just like me…
A waitress in Colorado or a policeman in London..
A salesman in Tokyo or a florist in Paris..
A maid in Kuwait or a guitarist in Toronto..

And all of a sudden I felt very small and insignificant…
Compared to the 6.7692 billion people in the world; I was only 1…
And who cared what a 20 year old Muslim girl felt..
Who knew what this girl's dreams were other than aspiring to be a dentist..
I realized how trivial my existence was to many others… and that the world was larger than my own tiny circle of friends and family… the world was much bigger than my misfortunes or unlucky events...

At this moment as I am typing my post God only knows what is happening all over the world..
A mother could be mourning the loss of her child in Iraq..
A student could be jumping from joy with his acceptance letter to John Hopkin's University..
A teen age girl could be singing S.O.S. with the Jonas Brothers at their concert in Utah…

And yet I still stubbornly hold on to my dreams with all my strength.. and refuse to think of any alternatives if the first doesn't work out.. I still believe the world will end if I get a bad grade or if I don't buy that Fendi watch I've been wanting for so long..
Life goes on whether we like it or not..
The sun will still rise everyday.. and there are some who dread it and some who yearn for its arrival…

So… I have made a promise to myself; NOT to break down any more; because life is larger than me or my silly hardships.. I will remember all those who suffer .. I will put in mind that there are 6.7692 billion people in the world besides me some of which have much worse conditions than I.

And yet satisfaction has not visited my heart

2009-06-29T22:09:00.003+04:00

Anticipation can be disappointing ..

You wait for summer to come and as soon as it does all your excitement during exam weeks suddenly evaporates..

All your plans to enjoy the long afternoons and glamorous nights suddenly vanishes..

Maybe it was because during the finals I was silencing my urge to fool around and ignore my studies by promises that I'm now breaking..

Laziness is a deadly chronic disease that we should study rather than asthma attacks..
Energy is the "X" in my pirate map and I'm still following the clues ..

A lawsuit against dentistry

2009-06-22T11:49:00.004+04:00

I blame dentistry.... for my lack of sleep and zombie-like appearance,

I blame dentistry.... for turning me into a sociopath that can barely make up a conversation without bring dental topics in the picture,

I blame dentistry.... for stealing me away from my family and loved ones and keeping me hostage in the pages of symbolic textbooks,

I blame dentistry.... for my guilt whenever I go out in a weekend instead of cowering over my lectures and studying,

I blame dentistry.... for all the afternoons I eat my dinner alone after a long day while everyone else had already satisfied their hunger,

I blame dentistry.... for the loss of my sense of humor and the unwanted sarcasm that stings my remarks unintendedly,

I blame dentistry.... for so.. so much,

Maybe I was hypnotized that day I chose to enroll in dental college,
Maybe I was unconscious that cursed hour I chose to be a dentist!

A cup of coffee

2009-06-18T17:58:00.004+04:00

Sometimes...
just dropping whatever's in your hand..
whether pharmacology or microbiology..
and taking a break to breathe in the coffee..
,, admire a houseplant..
..or recall a cherished memory..
makes the journey on this hectic dentistry road...

worthwhile

Not in the mood for Oral pathology

2009-06-02T22:39:00.006+04:00

I feel guilty for not reading since exams started..
By reading I mean my novels of course..
I can feel the heat of their glares whenever I pass my bookshelf ...

I am sick of every "-ology" there ever was...
Oral Histology can die for all I care...
Oral pathology can burn into ashes...
Oral Radiology can disappear into thin air...

I HAVE LOST MY IDENTITY IN THESE SYMBOLIC TEXTBOOKS

I love you Allah- A7ubak ya Allah

2009-05-18T22:09:00.006+04:00

Whenever life closes all its doors in your face and leaves you in an empty room lined by mirrors you start reflecting your life..
your past.. present and future

The room is empty.. not a soul in it but yours..
you can say anything.. do anything.. think anything..

but you don't..
you hold your tongue.. watch your actions.. and cleanse your thoughts..
For Allah is The All Knowing
Allah is The All Hearing
Allah is The All Seeing
He knows what you did.. are doing and intend to do..
He knows if your heart is filled with love for Him or if you're merely going with flow; praying- because everyone else does, fasting- because in Ramadan that's what poeple around you do..
He knows when you're truely being sincere and when you use truth as a ticket to save you from missing the trains of life as they pass by..
HE KNOWS..
So when I'm in a closed room with nothing but my reflection staring back at me where ever I lay my eyes.. I lift my head up and smile..
I'm not alone.. and I NEVER will be

Why do you do what you do??

2009-05-09T13:31:00.002+04:00

Who are you trying to prove yourself to?

What makes you keep pushing the waves and climbing the stairs till you can barely catch your breath?

When I study .. the same question keeps popping in my mind..
"Why am I doing this?!?"
"Who am I trying to satisfy?!?"
Myself..?
Motives can be really tricky.. sometimes I'm convinced I want to be successful to prove to myself that "I CAN" yet I also want to prove to the ones that always claim "I CAN'T" how good I really am..
Other times I'm afraid of failure lest my loved ones will lose faith in me..
My ego rises and falls like the stock market..
Half a second can bring me from the peak of happiness to the valleys of despair..

No Pain-Free Life

2009-05-02T12:00:00.000+04:00

Every person has a story..
A tale of tears engraved in the slate of their hearts..
Every person has a ghost of sorrow lurking in the tunnels of their eyes..
Every person has a scar..
..whether emotional or phyiscal..

Pain is worldwide...

Shades of Grey...

2009-04-30T13:02:00.000+04:00

I guess sometimes you have to see the dark side to confirm you're on the right
being in the gray can be confusing cuz you always want the good of both black and white
knowing that the difference between love and hate is a hair thread and the difference between right and wrong is even less makes you wonder to where does this line extend and when is what we think as right turns out to be wrong or vice versa... who sets the standards..
what is beauty..
what is intellgence..

I look at a flower and wonder if it's purple streaked with white or white streaked with purple.. but who's to tell me which is which??

Why now write a blog<< question to self

2009-04-28T01:02:00.000+04:00

I'm doing this blog for ME
Sometimes you need a little space to be anonymous
Sometimes just writing your soul out cools the burning fire inside... even if no one reads.. which is most probably the case
Sometimes you feel like u ARE other times you feel as if you WERE ..
Sometimes you love yourself other times you don't
So this blog is for ME
In all my moods… in all my colors…

I'm a Muslim girl in an Arabic country
Of my identity that's all that's important to know
Plus the obvious…
I'm a left handed dentist -2- be