Dreary. Navy blue tonight.

Senior year has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. The ups and downs leave me lightheaded with psychological vertigo and occasionally in a heavy case of pessimistic fits.

Trying to swerve puddles of discouragement that keep appearing along my sidewalks is more difficult than I presumed.

Maintaining integrity gets harder day by day when you're under un-imaginable loads of pressure.

The maze gets more intricate as I struggle to find my way out, at times I do believe I am wandering aimlessly in circles, searching for a sign.

Sometimes "hope" seems ridiculously juvenile and all my efforts dissolve into a haze of irrelevance.

Then in a moment of connecting with the rest of planet earth the trivial dilemmas that consume my time and mental space seem shameful. Pathetic.

Syrian children are being stripped off any prospects of a bright future, are ripped from their parents' arms and killed a painful gruesome death.

Innocent angelic souls vanished, by the dozen, day by day.

It's exceedingly difficult for me to fathom this unjustified and undeserved destiny.

The weight of their tears has drowned my faith in humanity down the drain.

The seriousness and gravity of their unwarranted fate has had an immense impact on my outlook on life.

And yet I still growl at the grains of salt in my cup of life, I still growl.

Why do I still growl?

Why?

God.. I am sending silent prayers with every breath I take..
God save Syria.
God save the children.

I am lost. I am vain. I will never be the same.
~David Guetta

Step up. Act.

Sometimes I wonder..

Is it because we have gotten so used to dreaming.. 
So accustomed to letting our imagination run wild.. 
We relish in amusement -once in a blue moon- by unleashing the lasso wrapped around endless unlikely possibilities..

That when the time comes to fulfill our long sought-for dreams...
We flee?!

Instead of sipping from the cup that's lifted up to our lips... 
We drop the glass and spiral down an emotional stairwell as it shatters.

Dear fickle dreams.. Stay strong. Speak up.

Decisions! Decisions!

The future is intimidating.

That is all.

Flashbacks from the past

The fainted sweet scent of my mother's perfume.

A trunk overflowing with abstract paintings and un-finished stories.

A trampoline and squeaky swing-set in the midst of blinding sunlight.

A heavy backpack with gossip-filled notes jammed in each pocket.

A worn out copy of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", it's cover held in place aggressively by Scotch-tape.

An overused blunt black khol and a dozen friendship bracelets.

Avril Lavigne lyrics scribbled in the margins of text-books.

And -to this very day-
A stubborn anvil,
Anchoring a ship o' dreams,
Steered by Captian "Hope".

Beware the Grim, my dear.

Lost in thought she treads along the sidewalk.
It's a foggy night, vision obscured by a smoky haze of uncertainty –how ironic, she says to herself-
A wary mystical silence hangs in the atmosphere like Charlotte's web.

Street lights flicker.
Crickets chirp.
Her breathing and pulse are playing quite the duet…a chorus of long deep breaths followed by rapid palpitations resonating in the frosty air.
Chirp. Inhale. Exhale. Lub Dub. Lub Dub.

All is quiet.

But alas! In that mind of hers!
Chaos unravels, a mad-house –if you may-.

"Contradictions" loudly debate their validity. Refusing all forms of negotiation or reasoning.

Each "Possibility" competes vigorously striving to outlive its component.

"Doubt" sulks in the shadows, and being the sly con-artist he's known to be, slips a banana peel accidently on purpose.

"Ambition" trips with a thud. Trying to regain what little dignity he has left, he leans on "Hope" for support. Standing tall, brushing off the dust trying his utmost to appear nonchalant, failing miserably –might I add-. He always was such a clumsy fool with his head in the clouds.

"Fear" echoes tauntingly, you can hear the smirk in his voice, shrewd with a dash of defiance he adds an "im" to every "Possible", tags an "in" to every "Capable"

It's a silent night.
Street lights flicker.
Crickets chirp.

But in that mind...Universes collide.


Every dream as fickle as a "Snitch", just an inch within her grasp.. while she dangles for the life of her on a Nimbus 2000.. gold luster gleaming in her eyes.

And… action!

The curtains have been lifted..
Our play has been fast-forwarded to a scene that takes place 10 years later with all the characters evolving beautifully from the opinionated intolerant adolescents they once were.

*****
Truth be told:
No stubborn mind can't be persuaded.
Heart-break and pain both indifferent to their victims, being the blind criminals they are; Ain't no mountains high, ain't no valley low that can harbor you from that duet.
*****

As for our adult characters…
Who take compliments and condemnations much lighter than they did at their early teens,
Who embrace the snarky remarks from elders and blow them off as easily as powdered sugar escaping the refuge of a skirt.
Who learned that you can outlive a lost a fight, and sometimes –yes, sarcastic 15 year olds in the audience- can also be convinced by the opponent's theory, imagine that!
Who see beyond the façade of brands and the mirage of money-earned happiness.
Who understand that it takes a long time to build bonds with others, that the "good ones" are worth the hard work, time and sacrifice.
Who can detect the hidden agendas, plastered smiles and care-free pretensions.
Who know when it's necessary to remove themselves from the situation, let nature take its course and…. Wait.
Who are wise enough to confirm their 7-year old sister questioning if she could talk to "Boots" the monkey and "Swiper" the fox just like Dora the Explorer. She'll find out sooner or later that talking animals no more exist than do happy endings.

*****
Oh my have the characters of the play evolved. Very much so indeed.
*****

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players ~Shakespeare

Babysitter in the house!

I have fallen in love... With a 5 month old nephew.

Whose world has so much left to discover,
Where unknowns outweigh in every situation.

Where socks are fascinating creatures,
And toes are even more of a treasure.

Where a smile is all that's asked from you in life,
And if you throw in a cute quizzical look with asymmetrically arched eyebrows; you are crowned king and worshipped by the entire household.

Oh how I envy your untainted purity,
Oh how I envy the caffiene- free , hatred- free blood that runs through your viens.

I know you're probably staring at me and questioning the whereabouts of this excited high-strung girl talking gibberish smiling from ear to ear,
You're thinking: I wish she'd move aside and stop blocking my view of this mesmerizing fan,, I really wanna see what'll happen when it stops twirling.

Oh dear nephew, I'd endure a handful of splinters rather than to tell you the depressing news: nothing will happen when the fan stops twirling. No fireworks. No raindrops. Nothing.