Memories twirling round and round.

Astounding how our subconscious holds on to certain memories; however irrelevant they may be.

Trivial compliments -3 years of age- still have the power to give your ego a boost when you're feeling blue.
Meaningless childhood nicknames can still trigger a grimace.

Nameless faces swirling aimlessly in the back of your mind. What was her name?!
Faceless names hanging by a thread, you yearn to remember their features.

****
A trip with your dad to Dairy Queen on a lazy Saturday afternoon..
Standing on the tip of your toes barely tall enough to see through the glass to choose an ice-cream flavor..
Baba kneels down and perches you on his knee, raising your eye level a few inches..
Even though he knew before-hand you would pick chocolate with sprinkles on top.

****
The smell of formalin while dissecting a cadaver with your friends -1st year dental students- reviewing for the anatomy final exam.
You are all lost in the confusing contents of the posterior triangle in the neck region.
"Are you sure this is the phrenic nerve, Hanan? I think it's the vagus." My friend questions doubtfully.
I tug the nerve and watch the diaphragm rise with my pull.
"It's the phrenic nerve. I'm sure."

****
If I could only mimic Dumbledore when he'd point a wand to his skull, drag out his thoughts and pour them into a stone basin.
Oh if only I had a Pensieve to re-visit my memories on a lonely night.

Dumbledore: "I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form."
Harry: "You mean... that stuff's your thoughts?"
Dumbledore: "Certainly."
-J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

No more network at this end of the line

Just when I'm determined to start over..
When I persuade myself "this one is going to be worth the trouble, worth my time, worth my feelings"

Just when I finally decide that isolation isn't going to fix anything.. sooner or later I've got to let people in..

Just when I've -at long last- convinced my stubborn mind that humanity still throbs in many human hearts..

And I let my guard down..
Share my history..
Share my life..

I'm vulnerable once more to getting hurt by all those vicious antigens; hypocrites, frauds, two-faced back stabbing liars..

And boy did those antigens attack my immunity as hard as hell!
My host defense mechanism has aged far beyond my 22 years,, it fights a lost battle and can only hold its strength for so long..


But not this time..
No..
Not me..

This time.. I've loaded up on my vaccinations..
This time.. my antibody titre is sky-rocket high..

No more will I fall for your sly tricks.
No more will your pranks deceive me.

Even if it means I'll be destined to loneliness.. I WILL NOT be stung twice.