Tuesday, 29 May 2012

What? How? Why?

It's 3 am. I should've been in dreamland hours ago.
But I can't. I can't focus. I can't sleep.

The photos of  Syrian children dying yesterday haunt me.
Their unjust fate clogs up my veins and I am suffocating with guilt.
Remorse is tugging at my heart strings... And oh how it aches so!

Then in a feeble attempt to swirl my thoughts around...
Trying to summon some sheep to count so I can doze off to sleep,

I remember...
10 more days till graduation.
10 days.. And I will be a dental student no more, 
The sheer thought of being an intern terrifies me at this unearthly hour,
Unspoken insecurities unfold in the dark.
Am I competent enough to precede my name with a "Dr."?
Do I even know what I want to specialize in?
Am I sure I want to be an orthodontist for the rest of my existence? A periodontist? An endodontist?

But what if it doesn't work as planned?
What will become of me?

If I fail at life..what will I do then?

I am aimless, panicking, gloomy-minded.

Syria massacre. Foggy future. 3 am.

"I was waiting for so long... For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong... Hold on and don't shed a tear" ~Celine Dion

P.S. I blame the mosquitoes for my lack of optimism.